i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
