It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The best revenge is premature balding
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Randomize
