I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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