I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
