i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I pour the whiskey from now on
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
