did you get engaged???
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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