Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
