you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
