i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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