There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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