Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
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she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
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Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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