I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
