I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
and she was petting her beer can
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
