I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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