just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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