I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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