bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
