Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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