After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
