I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
