It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
