he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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