I faked an abortion last night.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize