I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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