we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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