allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
