Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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