on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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