God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
