Will you blow on my dice?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize