We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
