it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize