So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
