They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
