mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
