ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
