whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
