naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
