I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
