Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i've created a new STD.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
