Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
