are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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