They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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