The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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