Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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