The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
