Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
