the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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