You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
