I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
