my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
