so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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