Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
