U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
