so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
