I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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